Happy Father”s Day!

As another Father’s Day approaches I find myself being reflective of being a 23 year veteran. Amelia will be 24 in September and Lindleigh 22 in August, so I have a good stretch to look back over and reflect on. For some reason this week leading up to Father’s Day I have had some moments of just sheer joy at seeing the girls still loving each other, still enjoy being together as a family.

Last week we took a short 3 day camping trip to Lake Carlyle, IL. We left Monday at noon and came home Wednesday afternoon, so it was a pretty short trip, but it was enough to really conjure up all the other camping trips, vacations, etc we have had over the years. It also helped me think about all the different Father’s Day, from that very first one in the summer of 1988, Amelia not quite a year old, but it was the first year I qualified to actually celebrate and be recognized as a “father”. Then when the girls were young and their excitement to wish me a Happy Father’s Day, give me hand -made cards and presents, seems like macaroni was used in there somewhere. As they got older their love to make Father’s Day special moved to things like cooking me things and going to Cardinal games.

I know that I have not always been the most popular guy in their lives, especially when I carried out discipline, enforced rules, and I am sure in some way disappointed them. The truth be told I can’t remember a lot of the specific gifts or Father’s Days but as I look back I remember, love and excitement to be with me, to make a point to tell me I was a good dad.

I suppose I was a good father, I know I did do something’s right, I know Jan and I made some decisions about parenting early on that looking back were some of the best decisions we ever made! Honestly looking back over the 23 years and even before children, I see God’s sovereignty!

Today as I was praying and reflecting on God’s word and the idea of fatherhood, I realized that even my ability to be a father is not possible without God’s grace and mercy!

While I was running this morning the thought about God being a Father came over me. Then I thought about God and his Fatherhood. I read a great quote from J.I. Packer’s book, “Growing In Christ”, I have copied it below.

God’s loving fatherhood of his eternal Son is both the archetype of his gracious relationship with his own redeemed people and the model from which derives the parenthood that God has created in human families. Paul spoke of “the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” as “the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named” (Ephesians 1:3; 3:14-16.). Human families, by their very constitution, reflect the Father-Son relationship in heaven, and parent-child relationships should express a love that corresponds to the mutual love of Father and Son in the Godhead.

To me this explained my true ability to be a DAD, it is from God and it is His power! Oh how I wish I had known that truth as a younger man! I am thankful that in 1989 God helped me see His sovereignty even in the loss of my father at 13 that allowed me to really see He did have a plan and a purpose specifically for me. I am thankful at God’s patience with me that allowed me to grow in my understanding of Him and His desire for me to be a godly father!

I realize some of you didn’t have or don’t have a good relationship with your earthly father and for that reason it is difficult to relate to God as your heavenly Father. My prayer is that God is working on your heart to forgive your father as you come to understand he wasn’t trying to mess you up. He was just modeling what his father had shown him or he had no model and was trying, but he had no one to turn to. If you are in this place ask God to bring some men around you who can help you process and seek to restore and heal this fractured relationship with your earthly father.

The New Testament is rich with the model of God’s fatherhood. Packer in the same book I referenced earlier states there are two connections to God’s fatherhood that are not related to creation. Here is how Packer states it.

The first is the inner life of the Godhead. Within the eternal Trinity is a family relation of Father and Son. On earth, the Son called the One whom he served “my Father” and prayed to him as Abba-the Aramaic equivalent of a respectful Dad.

I really like the last part, “respectful Dad” Here are some scripture references you can use to go see this “inner life of the Godhead” in both John and Matthew, John 8:19, 14:31, 5:19-30, 18:11, 3:35 and in Matthew 26:39, 42.

The second connection per Packer is.

Where the New Testament speaks of God as Father has to do with the believing sinner’s adoption into the life of God’s family. This is a supernatural gift of grace, linked with justification and new birth, given freely by God and received humbly by faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.

This is a supernatural gift! I like that a lot! I like Ephesians 2:8 and this adds a great emphasis that it is a SUPERNATURAL gift of grace that brings us into the adoption to God’s Family, and God as our Father! John 1:12-14 gives us that picture of being brought into the family of God because of the Son becoming flesh which lead to Christ’s death, burial, resurrection and ascension, which is the gospel and foundation of that supernatural gift of grace.

I pray as you enjoy Father’s Day on Sunday whether it is your first or your 50th that you know you have a Heavenly Father who loves you. You have a Heavenly Father who knows what it is like to have a child, to watch him grow, to watch him serve and to even watch him die. If you are like me and your father is no longer on earth, take some time Sunday and remember him and tell him you loved him. If your father is still alive I pray you can get with him or call him and share something you remember about him being your dad! If you are in that group who doesn’t have a good relationship with your dad, just pray and ask your Heavenly Father to help you forgive your dad so your relationship can heal.

Love your children, pray with your children, laugh with your children, spend time with your children, live out your faith with your children.

Have a GREAT Father’s Day!

Courageous Leadership – Understanding Your Wife

There are many areas I long to be better in as a husband and while I don’t like or do New Year resolutions, I am continuing to commit to living out 1 Peter 3:7.

How I made it through so many years of marriage not really applying the call given in this passage is a testimony to the grace of God. However that said, this is a verse I have really been living in for a couple years and yet I still miss it badly.
Like the other day Jan was giving me some very accurate and correct guidance about having too much on my plate and life being a little out of control. To which I very quickly dispatched the words, “well maybe you just need to step up your game a little more!” Yep that is what I said, a guy really trying to live with his wife in and understanding way. Or maybe even a better one is the one just last week where I was remote and wanting to get some information off my laptop which was at home and I asked Jan to find it and with Lindleigh’s help she did. I get home and go into my e mail and the folders are all changed around. I flipped out and totally accused Lindleigh and Jan of messing up my computer.
So even though I want to live with her in an understanding way, and treat her as a fellow heir, I struggle days to do it. It’s not that we get it perfect, but that we “get it”.
So what does getting it look like? It looks like understanding that God gave us a helper in Genesis (Gen 2:18), not because we were incomplete or inferior. No the Creator of all there is, knew it was not good for us to be alone. Shortly after giving us a suitable helper we go passive and allow this gift from God to be wooed by the Evil One and well you know the rest. Among many other “issues” that evolved from that original sin one that really seems prevalent today is our struggle to really love our wives.
We can go back to a verse that is directly related to the 1 Peter 3:7, that would be Ephesians 5:25. Love your wife as Christ loves the church. How can I possibly love my wife if I am not REALLY trying to understand her? You can but it will not be a full love or never come close to a love like Christ loves the church. It has come to me that the “helper” God gave me is unique, that some of the things that may have gotten under my skin and so much wanted to change were the very things that made her unique.
The idea that I needed to improve on what God created never dawned on me until recently just how absurd that idea was! What Paul is telling us is that we are to be considerate of our wives physical, emotional and spiritual needs. He is also letting us know it is the husband’s responsibility to protect and care for our wives. There is a lot and I mean A LOT in those two sentences as our responsibility as husbands. I often say that our first and most important ministry is to our wife. You want to be a ministry leader? Then be a husband that cares for your wife’s spiritual needs! There is much to write about all the responsibilities above and we must seek to meet them all and keep them in balance, however I am just going to pick on the spiritual need.
This may seem a great time to start listing off all the things you can ask your wife to embrace as the spiritual leader, as the head. This may even seem to be a great opening to remind her of the great scriptures in Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18 and her need to submit. Sorry that is not where I am going and really in a way I am addressing those scriptures by where I am going to go.
Caring for my wife’s spiritual need is really a call for me to grow in my knowledge and understanding Jesus. That is our sanctification which never ends and growing to live with our wife in an understanding way, never ends either. You see as I have continued to grow spiritually the Holy Spirit has helped me see how the greatest change in my wife has come not by me prodding her to change, to do more “spiritual” things. No the greatest change is allowing the gospel to change me, to see the grace and mercy Christ has given me. The more I am humbled by Christ’s work in a wretch like me, the more He lives in me and gives me the power to love my wife.
As you may know my life verse is John 3:30, He must increase, I must decrease. The only way we can meet the spiritual needs of our wife’s is for Christ in us to increase. To go to my wife after the “melt downs” in real humility and say that I responded in a way that did not honor her and ask her for forgiveness is evidence that Christ is increasing and I am decreasing.
You see as I seek to know Christ and participate in the gospel my understanding of how He created Jan becomes a blessing and a joy. I have come to look at Jan with awe and appreciation of how God created her. To see her growing in her faith, speaking into our daughters with wisdom, reaching out young ladies in our church, reading scripture and praying and not ONE of those is because I asked her to, or even suggested she should. I have seen God working in my wife in miraculous ways, it is He who changes our hearts, and it is He who does the REAL work.
For me this all really started to make sense once I really started to understand my wife, not who I wanted her to be but who God created her to be. I stopped being selfish and wanting my wife to be who I wanted her to be, but loved her exactly how God created her. See God changed my heart too!
Men do you want to lead courageously? Then accept the responsibility of living with your wife in an understanding way.
Take some time today to asking God to help you really “see” your wife as He created her. Ask Him to help you love her just as He created her. Ask God to change your heart. Seek to grow in knowledge and understanding of the gospel. This is the BEST way to care for our wives spiritual needs.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas is here! Well almost anyway. Our last message was at Thanksgiving and all we have to be thankful for and for me Christmas has become an even more intense time of thanksgiving and celebration as I have gotten older.

I have been brought back to one of my favorite Christmas verses and the limited cards we sent out all had these verses on them.  Luke 2:10-11 (NASB) “But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

The angel is NOT some little chubby cherubim like the Stay Puff marshmellow man in the movie Ghost Busters, no he is more likely to be an elite solider in the army of the Lord, his appearance alone was overwhelming to the shepherds who were receiving the message from above.  I know if I would have been one of those shepherds I would look more like the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz than a gung-ho Marine!

So once they got past the messenger and facing what would have scared us spit less, what an incredible “gift” those men received to be the ones God chose to hear from Him and then go and find the Son of God! The Rabbi’s considered the shepherds Jewish “outcast”, isn’t that just like God to confound the wise with the foolish. These ordinary men recognized the messenger; they were obedient to their mission!

Regardless of how many gifts you do or don’t have under the tree, please remember the Real Gift that we celebrate this time of year. It really is the good news of the Good News, it is the event that John 1:14 exclaims, “And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

We have been given the Greatest Gift from God and it is marked by the announcement of the birth of His Son and our Savior. Take the time on Saturday to really reflect on the birth, the good news of great joy for all people, a Savior for you and me! Take a moment and read the story (Luke 2:1-20) with your wife, with your family.  Give praises to God glorifying Him in the highest for all you have read and heard!

The Gospel is born and we have the good news so what are we going to do with it! Keep it to ourselves or share it with those around us? Let’s look at how we can live it out with all those God brings around us. The gospel is something we speak AND something we believe.

Blessings to each and every one of you receiving this e mail. I pray this Christmas is one where you find great joy in all that God has done!

Merry Christmas!

The Cheshire’s

Thanksgiving

The Cheshire Family

Thanksgiving, what comes immediately to your mind? Thanksgiving for our family for the last 20 years has meant a four hour car trip back to my hometown of Jefferson City, MO. In the early years it was dressing up our girls as little pilgrims or Indians..where are those pictures! It has always been about visiting my family and extended family in Missouri, eating incredibly delicious food and WAY too much of it.  However one of our favorite traditions has always been to share all the many things we have to be thankful for as we drive to Missouri.

I look forward to that each year because while there are always the more standard responses we always have several that are both unique and creative! Like one year when Lindleigh was very young, we had made several rounds and it came back to Lindleigh who said very matter of factly, “I will be thankful when we get there!”

Having now been serving in full time ministry for the last 3 years I feel sometimes that God has given me a front row seat to be witness to His Grace, His Mercy, His Providence and most of all His Sovereignty! I was returning from a meeting with some men where a part of our discussion was about the sanctification process for all that have been saved by His Grace. Once we have that heart transformation there are things we should be doing that move us toward maturing believers.

As I neared home and I was thanking God for calling me to this ministry of men, to serve the local church! I thanked Him for allowing me to see men respond to the Holy Spirit working in them and ask Jesus into their heart and life. To see men growing in their faith, to see marriages being healed and strengthened because of the Gospel at work in them. I also thanked Him for allowing me to see my own faith grow, and my marriage grow stronger and our family to serve Him.

Jesus has done all this NOT because I have been faithful 100% of the time, not even close, but because He IS faithful 100% of the time. It came to me again today that God does NOT need me to accomplish ANY of this! He has however chosen to use me in my imperfection to live and bring glory to Him. To shout my thankfulness for who He is and what He has done for me!

I don’t know where you are right now as you read this, maybe you are in the middle of a storm or trial, maybe you are on a mountaintop. You may be just entering the storm or just exiting it. You may be asking God “why me” or “why them Lord?”

No matter where you are, if you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior you have MUCH to be thankful for! We can be thankful this world is not our final destination; we have a place the Father has prepared for us. Regardless of our circumstances God is in control, God is to be thanked because Jesus is victorious! We are not victorious because of anything we have done, are doing or will ever do. Check out these two passages from first and second Corinthians, 1 Cor 15:50-58 and 2 Cor 2:14-17.

Here are a few more scriptures that help me remember how thankful I am regardless of my circumstances for the saving faith I have in Jesus. Romans 3:23 which reminds me I am a sinner in need of grace. Romans 6:23 for the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. John 6:47 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life.

Lastly one of my favorite scriptures are Ephesians 2:8-9, For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Are there times I doubt? Yes! Are there times I cry out and ask God WHY, HOW, WHEN? Ah YES I do! The moment we believe and the Holy Spirit lives in us doesn’t mean we are given unwavering faith anymore than we are given a problem free life! We live in a fallen world, among other sinners. I don’t want to rush out of this world, BUT, I am thankful that whenever that time does come I will be glorified.

Wow, I am so thankful for so many things but I am MOST thankful for the Gospel. I am thankful for the transforming power in the Gospel which is doing a work IN me. Far, far from perfect (just ask Jan, Amelia, Lindleigh or anyone of my friends) but thankful for God’s grace and mercy, so thankful for God’s patience!

So Thursday will you take as much time as you need and share what you are thankful for? I pray that Jesus in not at the top of your list but that He is the center of ALL you are thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Lead Me

25th Wedding Anniversary

As men, when we hear “lead me” that could conjure up a wide variety of messages. For some that would encourage us to step up and lead out, be assertive, be courageous maybe even adventurous. Then for others it would bring out our inadequacies, our insecurities, the fear that I am NOT a leader.
I struggle with which one of those two camps I am in, depending on the situation I hear the request to “lead me” coming from. Leadership on the scale of leading a company, a church, an organization big or small is an area of giftedness and there is much written on leading organizations and movements but that is not where I am going today.
Where I am going may be even more controversial than that in the world we live in today. I am going to say that in the area of giftedness the percentage is small of men who have the gift of leadership. Where as in the area of the leadership I am going to share I believe ALL men are called to it once we marry, whether we feel gifted or not, it is our God given duty.
We are all called to be the spiritual leaders of our marriages and families. There it is I have said it!
99% of the time when I share verbally or written I am drawing on my own life and walk and this one is no different, I am on the journey just like the rest of you. Hopefully sharing this will encourage and affirm you in this process and help you continue to lead out well in your marriage and family.
I have been married almost 28 years (December 21) and Jan (my wife) and I have two daughters Amelia 23 and Lindleigh 21. While it would be too much to go into great detail to recap most of that time suffice it to say that for right now our married life falls into 3 time periods. The 28 years break down like this: 0-8 No religion or relationship with God, 9-18 deeply religious time with God, 19-now God-centric marriage and personal relationship with God.
Looking back it is clear that there were defining moments in each of these periods that God used to move me along, marriage, new job and new city, infertility, miscarriage, new baby, debt, new job and new city, baby #2, new job and new city, church membership, promotions, the whole time carrying on with sinful habits born way back in my youth. Then God allows my sin to be put on public display, the worst of times all the way around, but really the blessing of God who loves me.
All that to say 10+ years later, I still have a long way to go but God has clearly shown me I am to be the spiritual leader in my marriage and my family and it is only Christ IN me that this can happen.
In September 2002 I lost my job, I’m 47 years old Amelia about to turn 15 and Lindleigh just turned 13 a pretty devastating event.
Because of the bottom falling out a few years BEFORE, when the girls were 13 and 11, and God showing me what a right relationship with Jesus looked like, I had repented and begun to reconcile my relationship with Jan. I also stepped up for the first time to INTENTIONALLY lead in my marriage and family. I had lead before by default and by accident but not with any strategy or intentionality.
There is much written and much to say on this, but for me it began with really praying for my wife. Yes it took me a while to figure out leading was NOT preaching to her or the girls for that matter. Leading is not demanding or “lording over”. Leading is serving, leading is sacrificing, leading is teaching. The best example of leading well is Jesus! The best leading I can do is being consistent at FOLLOWING Jesus, is allowing Jan and the girls to see me submit to Christ. Confessing to Jan when I fell, going to the girls when I had said or done something that did not honor Christ. Sharing what Christ and God’s word is doing in me.
So where are you in leading in your marriage? Where are you in leading in your family?
Maybe your path is longer and has more defining moments but you have never made that step of faith to lead.
Maybe you are younger and you have just gotten married or just had your first baby but you still need to step up and lead.
Either way it begins with Jesus! It begins and is anchored on having a right relationship with Him! If you aren’t sure what that is, call your pastor and ask him to share the gospel with you. If you don’t have a church or a relationship with any pastors, call me or drop me a line, I would be blessed to share the gospel with you.
Maybe you do have a right relationship with Jesus. What does that mean for you?
Pray! Ask Christ to help you see what your next right step is. It may be repenting and confessing to your wife and kids. It might be getting the family around the table and humbly admitting you have not been leading as Christ would have you lead and making a covenant with them to start doing so.
It may be stepping out of some activities or cutting back on work so you can eat together regularly. It may be doing a short family devotional or reading through some specific Scripture with your wife?
God knows what you need and He has a plan for you.
I know for certain our wives and children WANT us to lead and I know God designed us to lead in our marriage and family, in that we are ALL gifted the same.