Despair and Depression

Jody Burkeen is the founder of Man Up God’s Way Ministries, birthed out of his desire to help change the way Christian men “do” Christianity. He has been one of the seminar speakers at several of the Iron Sharpens Iron Conferences hosted by Relevant Practical Ministry for Men. Jody contributed the following article for the blog:

What a week … business problems, church problems, people problems. It seems all of a sudden that nothing but problems are in my life.

A few months ago, I felt as if our business was unstoppable—boy, was I wrong. Business has slowed almost to a stop. I do see light at the end of the tunnel; I just hope it’s not a train.

The strains of church have taken hold as well. With the economy, the world problems and individual struggles, people are starting to become depressed and despairing—through which comes with lots of counsel.  

With all of this going on, it has taken my focus off of God and placed it on me. That’s not a good place to be. I don’t know about you, but when I do that, depression and desperation kick in. This seems to be where the whole world is right now.

We are all so focused on ourselves that we have forgotten others are suffering as well. We are focused on the physical instead of the spiritual. This is where Satan wants us, because now he’s in control. Taking our focus off of God and focusing on ourselves gives Satan the opportunity to play games with our minds—thus the depression and desperation.

So yesterday, as I was wallowing in my own pity, a ministry opportunity came about and I was able to help someone who was in need. This person was in desperate need of some help, counsel and prayer. I was able to help, and for a moment all my depression and despair went away. It was a wonderful feeling.

Imagine if just for a moment we took all our self-centered focus and placed it on those around us. How awesome would it be? Imagine how little depression and desperation there would be in the world.

Now imagine if we stayed in the Word every day, we applied it to our lives, and we stayed focused on the others around us. That’s a world I want to live in. We would be rid of depression and desperation once and for all. But any time we take our focus off of God, sooner or later the double-Ds will kick in.

So try this with me. Let’s all stay in the Word, keep our focus on God and others, and then see how you and I feel. Let me know the success you have.

I would bet it’s a better place than being depressed and despairing. I saw a glimpse of that yesterday in Psalm 32:7(NASB):

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance .

God bless, and share your faith.

For more from Jody Burkeen, you can check out the other article he contributed to our blog – “Tough Questions to Ask Yourself”. You can also visit the Man Up God’s Way Ministries Website.

Tough Questions to Ask Yourself

Jody Burkeen, Founder of Man Up God’s Way and one of the seminar speakers at several of the Iron Sharpens Iron hosted by Relevant Practical Ministry for Men, contributed the following article. 

Lamentations 3:40 (NASB):

Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the Lord.

I don’t know about you, but I am a pretty good liar when it comes to a self-evaluation. It’s kind of like looking in the mirror, I see the 18 year old body I use to have and not the 44 year old body I now have.

Doing a spiritual self-evaluation is much the same way. Many times we only see the good we are or the good we do. We never do look at the bad side of ourselves. For the most part, I think we are afraid to be honest with ourselves because of what we might find. The hard part is admitting to something wrong in your life and then having to deal with it. But how can you and I work on becoming a better Christian if we never work on the bad stuff?

So what do I look for in a spiritual self evaluation? Sin! Sin is like cancer, if you don’t deal with it, it will consume you. Unfortunately though, most Christian men do not have a clue to what is and is not sin. Why is that? Well, first and foremost, we are not in the Word! Our generation has become a biblically illiterate generation. We have allowed the world to become our moral compass instead of God’s Word and have forgotten that God has a different idea of what is and is not sin. We have the mind set of “If everyone is doing it, it must be OK!”. This is obviously not true in God’s Word!

Second, we don’t pray. And when we don’t pray, we don’t repent. We cannot have a true spiritual revival of the heart with it full of sin. Psalms 119:11 says “Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You^” NASB. So since most men don’t read much less memorize scripture, sin abounds in ones heart. We must repent of these sin’s in order to return to have a true fellowship with Christ.

As you start your self evaluation, begin today by getting into God’s word everyday! I tell men I disciple not to eat physically till you eat spiritually. Then mediate and pray on the Word you read. Hid it in your heart and ask God to show you the sins in your life. Then repent! This is the only way to grow spiritually. Try to be better today, in God’s eyes, than you were yesterday.

Below are some tough questions to ask yourself as A Christian man. Start your spiritual self evaluation today! Be diligent in your spiritual self-evaluation and do it often.

Be tough on yourself, it will help you become a better person and a better Christian.

1. Have you spent daily time in the Scriptures and in prayer?
2. Have you had any impure thoughts that would not glorify God?
3. Have you been completely above reproach in your financial dealings?
4. Have you spent quality relationship time with family and friends?
5. Have you done your 100% best in your job, school, home etc.?
6. Have you told any half-truths or outright lies, putting yourself in a better light to those around you?
7. Have you shared the Gospel with an unbeliever this week?
8. Have you taken care of your body through daily physical exercise and proper eating/sleeping habits?
9. Have you allowed any person or circumstance to rob you of your joy?
10. Have you lied on any of your answers today?

Financial Infidelity

Dan Seaborn, Founder of Winning At Home, will be one of the keynote speakers at the Iron Sharpens Iron Conference in O’Fallon, IL on Saturday, February 22nd. Dan wrote the following article and we hope it challenges you.

The headline “Financial Infidelity” is not as grabbing as say, “Marital Infidelity.” News about a married man or woman getting caught in an extra-marital affair garners far more attention than news about a married man or woman getting caught in an extra-marital “financial affair” which involves hiding money or purchases from their spouse.

And though financial infidelity doesn’t seem quite as shocking as marital infidelity, the effects can be just as devastating. According to a study conducted by CESI Debt Solutions, over 65% of Americans hide cash from their spouse. The study also indicated that 80% of all married people make purchases in secret from their spouse, and one fifth of the respondents admitted to having a credit card their spouse knows nothing about. The study also reported that one out of two people in the survey feared their spouse would leave them if they knew how much they were spending.

These are really frightening statistics! In our book, “The Necessary Nine,” Dr. Peter Newhouse and I talk at length about a couples’ financial security. First of all, men and women, in general, define that term differently. For men, it is a verb. It is something they do or an action they take. For women, it is a noun. It is something they feel or a state of existence they can experience.

In the book, we also point out that money is one of the leading causes of divorce in America and yet adults don’t give it the proper time and attention it deserves because it doesn’t seem critical. But people can fall in love with money as easily as they fall into an affair. The allure is similar: the danger of getting caught, the thrill of the secret, and the excitement of getting away with something. But as people quickly discover, whether its money or another person, infidelity is an illusion built on false promises which quickly comes crashing down once the adventure runs its course.

When it comes to secret buying, everybody probably indulges a little. A coffee drink you routinely purchase. Snacks you get for the office. A book you’ve been dying to read ends up in your shopping cart. They’re not significant acquisitions, but consider why you aren’t sharing the information with your spouse. Maybe you’ve both agreed to allow small purchases, under a certain amount, but if you’re afraid to share purchases with your spouse, that’s a problem. Not surprisingly, men and women differ in the types of secret purchases they make. For women, the majority of money is spent on clothing and gifts, while for men it is alcohol, music, and dating sites.

It seems rather obvious to me that if you’re doing something you’re afraid to tell your spouse about, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Your finances need to be out in the open where both of you can see them. Don’t close the book on trying to work as a team in getting your finances in order. There are professional programs you can attend and books you can read to help you with budgeting, dealing with debt, and understanding gender differences when it comes to finances.

Don’t think that because your infidelity is about money rather than sex, that it isn’t cheating. It’s about betrayal and violating trust which is damaging to a relationship. If you’re hiding money or purchases from your spouse, come clean today. Get rid of the dirty laundry that’s tarnishing your relationship and finances.

Discipleship for Young Men

Hi, my name is Tyler and I have been asked by a good friend to dedicate a blog post to what discipleship looks like for young men in our culture. This is a really broad idea and honestly hard to describe. But I will do my best to narrow this idea of discipleship, specifically in the context of college aged guys, as well as give some background on myself, and why I value discipleship in my life and in the lives of young men around me.

Discipleship in the church is really interesting because it would seem that it is a term not used very often, and very rarely fully understood. For a long time I only thought of discipleship as this thing where an older guy held me accountable and gave me godly life advice. This honestly is a very small view of discipleship. Jesus’ example of discipleship is so much greater. He showed His disciples what a life dedicated to right worship of God is like and how it is so freeing.

Thus discipleship is the act of becoming more like Jesus. So what does this look like for young men? In my own life, discipleship started with others, who truly loved Christ and wanted to see me become more like Him, spending time with me and sharing with me the truth of the Gospel. Discipleship in my life began with my parents, carried on into high school with my youth pastor, and now in college with my small group leader. So my advice to older guys is to find young guys who love Christ and are looking for older men to help them become more godly men and fathers. My advice to young guys is to look for older men who exemplify the gospel with their lives, not just on Sundays or at small group. Look for men who will help to discipline you to become good men, and fathers, and leaders of the church for the honor and glory of Jesus.

Lastly, for young men, look to disciple guys younger than you now as well. Not just guys who are younger than you by age, but also younger than you spiritually. Discipleship is not just you meeting with someone once a week. It’s your lifestyle. We are always disciplining ourselves to become more godly every day. Part of helping yourself become more godly is by helping someone else become more godly. So look to disciple other younger guys not just for their sake but also for your own. You will begin to understand God and the power of Christ so much more when you apply what he’s doing in your heart to working with others hearts as well.

I will leave with this, “To the king of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.” – In Christ, Tyler.

Update from Boima

Usually when introducing our blog contributors I give very little information… but I want to give a bit more here, because this week’s contributing author is very special to my family and to Relevant Practical Ministry for Men. The following is a blip I wrote for our newsletter to introduce Boima Toure – 

When Dad went to Liberia last July, he met a young man named Boima Toure.

RPM has been supporting Boima – paying for his tuition and books the last 2 semesters and buying him a laptop. So we wanted to take a moment to introduce Boima.

Boima is a Christian, but he spent part of his childhood living with Muslim relatives while his parents tried to move to the US. He was mistreated by these relatives because he did not conform to their beliefs. Even after being reunited with his parents, going to school was a struggle. Boima had to sell a variety of things in the market to be able to afford schooling.

Even in the little Boima and I have talked, I can tell he is an extraordinary young man. I know my dad doesn’t give his respect easily, so I think it is a strong commendation that he endorses this young man. Boima calls my dad – Dad – and he calls me his sister!

Now here is the update that Boima wrote:

I firstly want to appreciate the Almighty God for His grace and divine protection upon my life from the month of January to the month of June. Let me also extend my thanks and appreciation to you, your family and our Brethren for your continued Spiritual and physical support towards me.

I want to use this opportunity to explain briefly how things have been working with me from January to the month of June.

In the month of January, I had the opportunity to traveled out of town along with my Bishop to attend a one week Pastoral and Ministerial conference in one of the counties. Upon my return, I started my educational journey in my sophomore year. I had a wonderful time going to school in January despite the weather and health conditions. I also had a blessed time working for the Lord – every sunday I will go to the church, lead the prayer section for about thirty minutes, afterward get to the membership class and teach the converts for about forty five minutes. During  the service hour, I played some key role like conducting service, tithe and offering exhortation, lead warfare prayer and continue my singing in the choir.

In February I continued my studies, likewise my services for the Lord. One thing I always have in mind is to prepare at all time to work for God. I attended conferences for both pastors and Ministers. And I was always ready and prepared to teach the converts every sunday at the church.

In the month of March, I had a opportunity to preach on one of the seven words on the Cross which was on Good Friday. And I preached on the third word of the cross taking from the text St. John 19:26-27. In this month I had the chance to focus on my lessons because my activities in the church was not much. I’m not saying I don’t have chances to study but I believe I was given the opportunity to double up.

In the month of April, I became very busy helping other young and older people to get the church building attractive for the conference. Normally in April of every year, our Ministry host her conference code name: Promise Life Conference. And I had to forgo some of my classes for the morning section because it was so interesting and also because of my status in the Ministry. Bless God the conference did not affect my studies though I missed some days.

Looking at the  month of  May was just the same as the month of  March. I remember I attended a one week conference under the leadership of Victory Christian fellowship international. During this conference, my Bishop gave me a driving assignment. There were some pastors who came from aboard to teach on the conference and I was given the mandate to drive them to and fro during the conference. My studies and services for God remain constant.

In June, I had the opportunity to preached during the first service. I along with two Ministers and a Deacon were opportune to organized an intercessor team in the church, wherein we goes to the church every monday evening to pray. My studies improved because I was well equipped with school materials. I remain committed to my assignment in the church and to my studies at school.

What Exactly Is Love?

The following post comes from one of our Contributing Authors – Mike Keller. Mike is on the RPM Board of Directors. 

1 John 4:8 says:

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

What exactly is love?

We throw the term around with romantic images of googly eyes and hearts aflutter, unless you’re a married man and you have grown to know better.  If God is love, then we can learn what it is by who He is and what He does, how He acts and what He says.  In everything that God does and says He put our needs ahead of everything else.  He promises that He knows what we need and He promises that He will supply every need.  The Creator of the Universe is concerned about who I am and what I need.

Imagine what would happen if we would look at our friends, our family, our wives, our children with that same attitude.  We would necessarily have to spend time getting to know them in a way that we can anticipate their needs — physical, emotional, spiritual — and react to those needs.  What would happen if our entire focus was on discerning the needs of the other person and resolving to do nothing but those things that supply their needs? Not what we think they need by making assumptions and conjecture, but truly knowing them, talking to them, exploring with them, and learning from them what makes them tick and from where they get their energy.  And from that intimacy we meet their needs.

And if you need an example of what true love is read John 3:16, Romans 5:8 and Philippians 2:1-7.

Answering the Call

This post comes from one of our Contributing Authors – Tom Gensler. Tom joined the RPM Staff this February.

In 2007, I recognized that God was calling me into full-time missionary service, dealing specifically with men.  You see, I was fresh off my own marriage struggles and redemption with my bride Lisa.  Through all of the suffering, God showed me how much I had failed and how important my role as a man and husband is.

I started by going to my local church asking them to teach me how to be a Godly man and their response has driven me since.  The local church said they had never been asked that question. They asked me if I knew Jesus.  I responded by declaring my allegiance to Christ and saying I understand salvation. I clarified that I did not understand, and needed someone to practically live out, godly manhood.  Their response was to send to me to the Iron Sharpens Iron conference in 2007.  I returned forever changed.  Tom Cheshire, founder of RPM and the host ministry for Iron Sharpens Iron, became my mentor and God began radically growing my faith.  Immediately on my return from ISI in 2007, I sensed God saying “Get Ready. Prepare.” I knew God was asking me to get my personal house and finances in order.  Lisa and I began pruning every area of our life, all the while pursuing God and acquiring as much knowledge about manhood, marriage and family as possible.  From our failures we wanted to help others avoid our pitfalls.

In 2009, I was at the top of my game – from a career perspective.  Life was good, money was great, but the unquenchable pull to serve God continued to grow greater.  I had served God at work and had success leading men to recommit or commit to Christ by leveraging my position in management to help others for Christ.  Early 2010, I sensed God saying “Its time!” I knew two things: 1) I wanted out of the car business. 2) I wanted to serve in full-time ministry.  We had one problem – no idea how to provide for our family doing this.  So we prayed and kept asking God what to do.  I interviewed at several secular jobs but none were a fit. Then an opportunity came up at another car dealership in another city.  It wasn’t what I wanted, but when I went and interviewed with them everything they said sounded great.  They seemed like great people, I shared with them my vision to one day serve in full-time ministry and they were supportive of that vision.  So I left one job in the car business for another.  I was unsure why, but sensed God was all over this.

My first year at the new job went great.  Every month we set record after record.  My new employer would ask me, what I was doing differently than they had been doing before I came, and I said nothing.  I deferred all the credit to God.  At the end of my first year, I was invited to go to lunch with the owners of the business and I sensed from God this was why I had come here.  You see I recently had listened to a message from Robert Lewis; he talked about leveraging your success to do what you really wanted to do.  So at this one year lunch meeting, my boss offered to promote me to become the company coach/trainer.  I politely turned down his new offer, and explained I had not taken the job to be promoted but demoted.  They had no idea what I was talking about; they asked me to explain what a demotion was.  I went onto to share how I greatly appreciated everything they had done for me and my family and we all agreed the past year was a huge success.  As a result of that, I recommended they promote my coworker and let me go from a 5 day work week to a 4 day work week and use the extra day to begin building a ministry that would lead into a full time job.  Of course they were perplexed by my request but said they understood my vision and wanted to think about it.  Two weeks went by, we sat down again and they said they wanted to help me launch into full-time ministry.  So March 15^th of 2011, I started part-time as a missionary with RPM.  We went to support raising school and began meeting with everyone we knew to raise the monthly support we would need in order to survive.  February 1^st of 2013 I left my part-time job in the car business and launched into full-time missionary service with RPM and Iron Sharpens Iron Men’s Conferences.  There have been several moments the past month when I have questioned my decision because the amount of faith required for us to live this life is not found within ourselves.  God is completely providing and we are fully relying on him for everything.

To read more from Tom Gensler, check out his blog.

Trials and Temptations

The following post comes from one of our Contributing Authors – Mike Keller. Mike is on the RPM Board of Directors. 

First Corinthians 10:13 says:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

There is probably no more misquoted verse in the Bible than this one and probably no verse more important to men.  Indeed we are tempted by so many items in our day to day lives that we could take the next several days to list them all and still not have an exhaustive list.  To do so, would just… lead us into temptation… so let’s just skip that exercise.

But what I really want to talk about is the way that this verse is often quoted and specifically the center section of the verse: “He will not let you be tried beyond your ability.”  Did you notice the subtle difference?  Have you ever heard (or spoken) this inaccurate restatement of this verse?  Just take a moment and think of the implications of this error.  If you truly believe that He will not give you or allow you to have a trial that is beyond your ability, then you will no doubt have a bit more peace in believing that the trials will be manageable.

But to believe that is to miss the whole point of God and what He desires from us.  He wants us to rely COMPLETELY on Him.  How will we learn to rely on Him completely?  By having trials we can’t handle.  When we hit the wall or when we see the waves crashing around us or when all hope is gone, still He is there getting us through it and drawing us to Him.  And when we rely on Him, all is right with the world.